So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
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