He told me they were just razor bumps!
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
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What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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