please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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