i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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