I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
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