apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize