So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
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Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
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Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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