Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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