So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize