All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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