i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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