I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
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Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
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Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
i need some magic done to my vagina
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
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