words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize