I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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