Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
