She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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