Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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