i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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