Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize