Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize