Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I need a beard to bite.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
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