i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
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He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
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Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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