Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
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I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
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FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
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