You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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