the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
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I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
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I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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