dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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