Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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