The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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