Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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