well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
You've changed since you got that strap on
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize