he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
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