Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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