So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
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Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
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You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
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