They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
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I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
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It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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