I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
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all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
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Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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