Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
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