I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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