I can't breathe out the right side of my face
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
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