I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize