Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
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I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
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Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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