This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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