The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
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I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
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That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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