1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize