At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
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My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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