We named our party play list daddy issues
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize