God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
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He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
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This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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