just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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