I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
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What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
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why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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