please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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