Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
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I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
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So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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