i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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